2) Why do you hate Jared Fogle? Because he is a boring, repulsive, lying piece of shit who is making thousands by spreading the disease that is the Jared Fogle way of living.
3) Is Jared the devil? JARED FOGLE IS SATAN AND HE MUST BE DESTROYED.
4) Do you like sandwiches? Schlotzkys is where it's at, bitch.
5) If you met Jared in a deserted alley, how would you assault him and with what? Well, since I created this question, I already have an answer. I would assault him using a double-headed axe. First, I would hit him with the blunt part of the axe, then I'd cut him into cold cuts and serve him on a 6-inch Parmesan Oregano bread with pepperjack, lettuce, onion, tomatoe, olives, salt, pepper, vinegar, and oil. Mmm, Jared meat.